This Christmas...

Hey Dear,

How are you? What have you been doing lately? Must be planning for your Christmas trip right?

Every year, around this time, we would be eagerly discussing plans for Christmas. You know… before I know you, Christmas to me does not have any real significance. My family does not celebrate Christmas so as a child, no special treats or presents.

Ever since I know you in University, I started to celebrate Christmas with your family… every year since then. For once I start to look forward to Christmas… I really enjoy the warmth and bliss of a simple Christmas gathering with our loved ones, enjoying the sumptuous Christmas meal, games and gift exchange eventually.

You brought meaning to Christmas, especially to me.

This year, the first Christmas without you for the longest time, will be a very, very painful affair for me. I don’t think I can take it… I have to leave Singapore… I really cannot bear the thought of not having you by my side during Christmas.

Without you, Christmas has no meaning to me anymore… I will be going for a trip during this period. To where? No plans yet, but when I have my plans, I will share them with you.

I have never travelled alone. But this time round I will do it… I just need to get away from it all…

Movie "Firsts" & "Lasts"

Hey Dear,
Suddenly remembered my first ever movie in a cinema, which I watched alone.. It was Beetlejuice (1988) at the now defunct Capitol Cinema ... It was so funny! Come to think of it, I should watch it again. Since then, I have not once watched a movie alone in a cinema.. Usually watching with friends and eventually.. mostly with you...

Our first movie together with friends was Michael Jordan's Space Jam.. And our first movie together, only 2 of us, was "White Squall"... Don't remember about the movie much because throughout the movie I was just staring at you.. come to think of it now.. it's so corny lor:)

On Saturday, for unknown reasons again, I decided to go watch a movie alone... "Wallstreet" ... after so so many years.. about 22 years to be exact since I went to watch a show alone. It seemed weird at the start; I saw couples or groups of friends around me. And there I was.. a lone soul sitting at one inconspicuous corner. I tried to keep myself happy with nachos with "EXTRA cheese" and a large ice lemon tea. But when there were exciting scenes which I wanted to talk about, I turned around me, seeing unfamiliar faces everywhere... I drifted into memories of us watching various movies together.. cannot concentrate...
I recalled our last cartoon together was "Up", a very touching one, which you cried during the show. After the show, we talked about the most poignant part of the show.. when the old man after many years found a note from his wife... asking him to start a new journey...........Our last movie was "Avatar" 3D. We both loved it! And I badly wanted it to win the Oscar.. which it surprisingly didn't...

By this time, the show was nearing it's end; it was a happy ending.. everyone celebrating the first year birthday of the baby girl... Dear, don't ask me what happened before this scene because I was with you throughout the show... as usual...

Enjoyable Reads #1 (by Low Wai-Lin aka momokopeaches)

Dear,

Again, thanks to Huibin's blog, she'd posted an excerpt of the article which you wrote about how you wished that you'd the chance to learn ballet. I can attest to it because I heard you repeated this regret countless times....

Excerpt of the article:

I loVe Ballet!

Of all the art forms, I think dance is the most beautiful and sensual. Of all the dance forms, I love ballet the most. The strong powerful leaps and twirls and splits... The use of body and music to communicate to the audience...

The ballet flats, tutus and the pinned up bun, the grace and poise...

I could stand outside a ballet studio and through the glass walls, gaze and gaze in wonderment at the kids learning ballet. It was a childhood dream which I never had the chance to fulfill...

There was always the resentment that Ma had opposed to me learning ballet and any other forms of dance. It was so ironic that she was quite an accomplished dancer in her younger days. She felt that it was too romantic, too distracting. (even too much injuries...)She would rather we learn music and art.

I was so glad that I learned Chinese (it was so fun to dance with the fans and ribbons!) and folk dance when I was in primary school and it has always been my regret that I never had the chance to pick up ballet. Dance had given me so much joy when I was a child. It came naturally to me even without any formal training- I had a flexible body and love to contort it in various forms,. I would split my legs, flip over to do a full back arch turn and lift my leg straight by the side to touch the tip of my ear. Everything came to easily and naturally. Even Ma had to accede that if I were to pick up dance, I would have an advantage.

Maybe because I never had the chance to learn ballet, I find it all the more beautiful...

Why no more post in Chinese?

Dear,
Hahaha you know why? Have I lost my literary prowess in Chinese? Nope, it's just that my windows laptop crashed and I'm too lazy to bring it to repair. So with all the Chinese Han Yu Ping Yin software installed inside, there goes my chinese writing tool.

I'm using your MacBook now and I must say I still suck at the Apple interface.. still figuring out how to use the chinese writing tools in Apple.

And of course, if I'm determined enough, I'll be back with a vengeance.. doing what I do better.. writing in Chinese.

Enjoyable reads (Prelude)

Dear,

Again for unknown reasons, I cannot explain why I cannot sleep though it's 3.30am now and my mind is still VERY active. So I reckon that I continue to blog...

Thanks to your influence, I've started to pick up reading more seriously and also learned to enjoy good articles.. from Straits Times columns to award winning articles to simple blog entries that exudes life and joy.

So I've decided to start to post articles which I really enjoy reading and which I think you would enjoy reading as well:)

Here's an excerpt from your blog which Huibin also posted in her blog. You talked about your love for Japanese novels. Ok, I know you've always set very high standard when it comes to writing. I must say, you are good at what you do best.. as a English teacher and in RGS.. that speaks volume:

It has been quite some time since I last read novels by Banana Yoshimoto. In fact it has been quite some time since I last read books by Japanese writers. I think the last I have read was one by Haruki Murakami. He is such a gifted writer and never fails to enthrall me with his extraordinary plot and sophistication in ideas.

I was introduced to the world of Japanese literature when I did Japanese Studies in NUS for a year. Oh how I missed uni days! More so for having the luxury to read the many books I loved. I really must do my PHD someday! I AM destined to be an academic ... ok I shall stop deluding myself...

Then I discovered (really stumbled upon it when I was doing research for something else...) a good collection of Japanese literature when I was studying at Macquarie. It was just wonderful and I read so many of Natsume Soseki works. I love his writing. he has this unique style and strong voice. There was always this sense of isolation and loss; and sometimes -no-often- depressing mood. Yet at the end of it all, there is a sense of hope.

His novels give me an insight into the Japanese culture (and the psychic of the Japanese too in some way.) It was amazing how great literature transcends languages and culture. He died in 1916 - way before I was even born. In fact 50 years before I was born. But I felt I could relate to him. I could understand the protagonists in his novels. Somehow after reading his novels, I tend to think a lot and to reflect upon my own life and the world around me. Just like Shakespeare, I believe his works will be enjoyed by many more generations to come. I wonder how many Japanese actually read his works. I wished my Japanese is good enough for me to read the original versions of his works. How much of what he has to say is lost in translation? I would never know. In particular, I remembered two of his novels most vividly - Kokoro (meaning 'heart') and Botchan ( name of a teacher - maybe because I am a teacher myself?)

The works by Banana are more of a pop culture style that appeals to generation X typically, at least in my opinion. They are usually light-hearted in nature and focuses more on modern day Japanese life. Interestingly, parallels can still be drawn between Yoshimoto and Soseki in spite of the different eras. Well i supposed no matter how a country progresses, there are still fundamental DNA strands that cut across different generations.

So in my current Bananamania state (which really happens out of the blue) , I borrowed three books by Yoshimoto at one go from the library today! I hope the books won't distract me from my marking.

I am not too hopeful about that though...

Huibin, Our Lovely Sister...

Hi Dear,

For selfish reasons, I have not gone into your blog or Huibin's blog to read for a long, long while; for I was afraid of opening up a wound in my heart that I’ve tried so hard to heal. But for some untold reasons, I’ve decided to take a look at her blog just a few moments ago; a good hard look. And I am really glad that I’ve done so for good reasons.

My eyes are now swelled with tears as I read through her entries about you. My feelings are mixed… really mixed now...

I can feel her immense grief when she writes about your untimely departure. I can feel the void now in her when she misses you, every now and then. I can feel her helplessness when she laments the inevitability of your passing. It breaks my heart.

I can also feel the joy in her when she reminisces the good old times… back then when both of were enjoying simple things in life together.. shopping, chit-chatting, doing manicures, perdicures, massages, having coffee, sharing secrets, books etc. I can feel the simple, pure, unconditional love your dear younger sister has for you. It warms and heals my heart more, more so than it has broken it.

Dear, you know her best… befitting the strong, unbreakable bond existing between you and her… She misses you as much as you miss her.

In a narrow sense, though both of you are not able to continue to enjoy those simple pleasures in life, physically together… but deep down inside you and Huibin, there is always this lil’ cosy corner where both of you can seek solace in when any of you needs someone to talk to; this lil' warm corner where both of you can still heartily laugh together, celebrating the simple joys in life; this lil' private corner where both of you can share secrets....

P.S. I m now using your MacBook and you've listed this lovely photo of you and Huibin as one of your favourite photos in iPhoto:

Poetry-in-MotionS: Love is Simple? No?

Ah Wee’s ExpressionS On Myriad Emotions – AWESOME…

Poetry-in-MotionS (PMS) - Day of the month for me...

PMS 1: Love is Simple? No?
P.S. Layman interpretation will do. Don’t judge my language dear.. pls… afterall who got A1 for English for “O” Levels…hahahaha

Love is simple …but some chose to make it complicated.
Love becomes complicated… but most wanted it to stay simple.
But then again, there are some who succeeded in making complicated love… simple.

Love is non-judgemental...You love her as she is.
Love her as she is? .. You think it’s simple, isn’t it?
But then again, when you set out to love her at the very beginning, you make it … simple

Love her as she is…
Love her idiosyncrasies,
Love her fantasies.
Love her quirkiness,
Love her tardiness.
Love her as she is?

Just love her as she is… simple?
Just love her as she is … complicated?
Why make it so complicated when it’s so simple?
Why make it so simple when it’s so complicated?
Understood? Misunderstood?
Yes? No?
Ah! Huh?

Four Seasons - Winter

You would always tell me how you wished you could live in places where you could experience the gradual change of the 4 seasons from Spring to Summer to Autumn and finally to the Winter.

Like most Singaporeans, we simply loathe the hot and humid weather throughout the year. Naturally, Winter and the festivities during the Christmas month of December appeal to most of us.. especially you. I can still recall the excitement you showed when we saw snow during our Hokkaido trip in the 2005 winter. We played with the snow, threw snowballs at each other and also witnessed a snow war between 2 groups of children, complete with shields to defend their own positions...

Now.. it's the start of your favourite season. To commemorate the start of this year's Winter season, I present to you one of your favourite symphonies.. Vivaldi - Four Seasons.. Winter



You have always loved the 4 seasons; I am sure you still are and that you can now travel freely around the world to experience them.. I would like to believe that...

Dear Old Billy

Hey Dear, last night I met up with Nengjie at Kunhui's whiskey bar. We had a good catch up, talking about work, family, friends.. you could have eavesdropped on what we talked about? No? Anyways, Miaoling joined us later and we also bumped into an old senior from River Valley High. Really enjoyed such good hearty conversations with old friends.

When I reach home last night, Billy was waiting for me at the door, my dear old loyal Billy.. Happily greeting me at the doorstep, vigorously wagging his tail, seemingly asking me "How's your day today?

I gingerly knelt down beside him and stroke him by his tummy; an activity which he has always enjoyed.

"Life is tough but you made it good.. Life's good my dear old Billy.. Life's good..."

=======

BTW Dear.. here's your Silly Billy's latest photo: Still as greedy as ever.. hehehe

Mrs MM Lee.. Rest in Peace...

Hey dear, Mrs MM Lee passed away peacefully on 2nd Oct. It was a sad day for many, including me. She's the woman behind our founding father, Mr Lee Kuan Yew. As Mr Lee had said, it's with her support, looking after the household that he can concentrate on building Singapore.

Was watching a TV tribute on Channel 8 for Mrs Lee. It warms my heart, watching many snippets of the lovely old couple, showing simple concern and affection for each other; holding hands, teasing each other, wiping perspiration off his forehead.

I really really envy them; they have taught us the importance of marriage and the meaning of the marriage vow:"Till Death Do Us Part"... I'm sure he's now torn, tormented by the thought that he'd lost someone so special, so important, so close in his life.

The pain is immeasurable, emotions erupt... but slowly.. warm thoughts of the past starts to flow; ever so lightly to ease the pain.

I like the part which Mr MM Lee quips, in one of his usual witty speeches:
"Western Way: Marry the Woman you Love. The Eastern Way: Love the Woman you Marry" He's glad that he did both.

And I must say I'm as glad as him...