Hey Dear,
I have a very interesting story to share with you. It happened just this Sunday morning. It’s about 2 things that you are always very scared of… it’s about cats and ghosts. Morbid topics that will make your hairs stand…
It was a cold Saturday night, early Sunday morning to be exact. Around 4am. The wind was building up as it howled through the streets. It was going to rain.
We had just celebrated Gavin’s birthday again, after a previous night out at Timbre@Old School the Thursday before. This time round we had all drank much more. Everyone left Filter by 4am. I wanted to drive home so I decided to walk around the vicinity of Gallery Hotel until I was sober enough to indeed drive home safely. Come to think of it now, it was not a smart decision after all. But at that point in time, well, I made that seemingly unwise decision and I’m still ok now.. so it was risk taken.. nothing happened and so I thank whoever , who was watching over me that night. And I am glad that I did stay there a while longer.. I will come to that later.
Armed with my iphone, I snapped a number of interesting pictures, here and there and uploaded them to Facebook after taking each photo. I was having so much fun. Usually after a party ends, most people’s mind should be clouded, intoxicated beyond reasoning after a hard night of drinking. I was on the contrary, alert but perturbed, full of thoughts and emotions.
What do I mean by that? Well, I guess sometimes when you had a drink or two or too much, you will enjoy the night albeit initially. Sense of feeling high… chatting, partying, drinking with your friends. You feel that you are on top of the freaking world… but when the music stops, reality sets in and if you’re intoxicated, you are fine. But if you are not, you’re in trouble.
I was in trouble that night. For some reason, I was feeling very alert. It was scary to the extent that you start to observe things around you more keenly. You start to look at your surrounding and try to make sense of everything around you. You start to think about your life, you start to think about your past, you start to think about the future, your loved ones, your anguish, your sadness…think about you my dear… I was depressed.
As I have always asked. “What’s scarier than death?”Answer to me is simple. “It’s losing your mind, losing your sanity.”
We are as good as dead if we lose it. Luckily that night, somehow, I was able to maintain my sanity, did nothing stupid and continued taking photos merrily along the river.
As I approach the bridge entrance beside Filter @ Gallery Hotel. I noticed a strange silhouette. Against the dimly lit backdrop of the bridge tunnel, I noticed this hunched silhouette.. a man, I realized, carrying a huge backpack and an equally bulky waist pouch. He was holding a “gadget” in his hands. For a moment he was squatting down, peering intently into some bushes. Then he was moving around the bushes slowly, as if looking for something.
I find it fascinating at first. “What on earth is this man doing at this unearthly hour!” I asked myself. I whipped out my iphone and started to take picture of this interesting sight.
That was when the guy suddenly stood up and started walking towards me.
“Hey!” he shouted. I replied instinctively “Yes, bro!”. Don’t know why I have been greeting everyone bro these days.
“Do you know it’s very rude to take a picture of someone without his permission” He chided.
By this time I could see clearly. Standing in front of me was a bespectacled man in his thirties, with a boney frame. He was wearing a hand bracer for his injured left hand. On the other hand, he was holding a camera. One you expect a professional cameraman would carry.
“Bro, sorry about that. No offenses intended. I find the image of you interesting so I decided to take a picture. That’s about it. Just wanted to capture the essence of that moment” I replied, looking squarely into his eyes.
He can sense my truthfulness. “Well said, capture the essence of the moment”
“What are you doing at this hour? What are you looking at in the dark bushes?” I asked curiously.
Immediately, he turned his camera towards me, put on the review mode and voila.. a wonderful picture came up.
It was a very well taken, closed-up shot of a cat peering into the camera.
“Wow! That’s such a beautiful shot! Seriously, how did you know there is a cat in those bushes?” I queried in jest.
“I know quite a number of cats living around this area. I know where to find each of them. You know, Cats, they can see things human cannot see. During the Chinese Ghost month they have this heightened sense of alertness. They will react to “things” that they can see…” William quipped with a funny smile. (yup we introduced each other)
“Oh yeah, interesting” I replied.
I am never afraid of ghost. I enjoy watching horror movies, listening to ghost stories, but since I know you, I have not watched a single horror movie cos’ you simply refused to watch any such shows with me in the cinema. (hehe now I have started to watch such shows again.. started with The Final Destination the other day). I am not afraid of the dark or being alone in the dark.
“But cats do have their lovely moments. They will purr gently at you, they will pose for you if you know them”. The subject turned lighter. “So what are you doing at this unearthly hour?” he asked.
“Oh, I just partied with my friend at Filter. Everyone left and I’m just chilling out here along the river. I wanted to be sober enough to drive home. I was lying there on the ground at the bridge to take this photo” I pointed to the bridge and showed him my photo from the iphone photo gallery at the same time.
“This is well taken. Using natural light to take photo is most fascinating. It brings out the natural color of your subject matter. You know, the picture of this colorful bridge structure that you just took. The paint job was designed by my friend (I cannot remember exactly about the order now, whether it’s the wife or the husband who designed the paint patterns on the bridge). The wife passed away due to cancer. Husband was devastated and is now devoting his time to charity work; incidentally in the fight against cancer” he said with a sigh.
I was struck by a familiar sense of sorrow as he mentioned the subject of… untimely death.
It began to pour and so we scurried to find shelter. We sat by an outdoor table outside a Jap restaurant.
I had this sudden urge and began to share with him about my personal loss of you as well. I shared with him about us, recalling fondly those happy moments we had and the proud contributions you made as a teacher. Weird it may seem, sharing your inner thoughts with a stranger. But somehow, I felt so much better after talking about you. Dear, I am still so proud of you, always proud of what you had done in your life.
William said something that stuck to my mind since our encounter.
“You know. When you take pictures, it’s about, as you mentioned just now, capturing the essence of the moment. Every picture has a meaning to the person who takes it. One guy might not be seeing what another see in a particular picture. So when I take pictures, I do not care about or worry about what other people think of the pictures that I took. What matter most is, in fact, how I see it myself; what it meant to me personally. Likewise, no one will understand the pain that you’ve gone through. Only you would know. But what matter most is how you see and treasure what you had with your wife. That’s good enough”
We talked for a while more about life, death, religion and photography. As the heavy rain slowed to a drizzle, I shook William’s hand. It was about 5.30am. I guess I was sober enough to drive home then.
“Nice knowing you and talking to you bro” I quipped. “I have learned a lot from you tonight, not only about photography. Anyway, I am getting into photography and if I’ve any questions I will call you!” waving his namecard in my hand. “You take care and don’t injure the other hand while taking photos” I pointed to his injured left hand in bracer. (cut by glass while going for a shot)
“Sure and nice talking to you too” William replied as he turned and walked the other way, intent on continuing his hunt for the elusive cats.
As he trudged away, I turned to take a last look at this interesting character who I just had a very interesting conversation with. A hunched figure, an unlikely person you would expect to meet early in the morning on a Sunday. Yet we had such a wonderful exchange of thoughts.
A lot of things are unexpected and unexplainable in life; it’s tiring to find an answer for every question that you have in mind. Our life is played out in a way that you take things as they come. You cannot prevent those bad ones from happening or choose to re-live the good ones again and again. Good, bad, happy, sad, tragic, joy… you will experience them all along the way but somehow, life still goes on. Like it or not, you have to face up to it everyday.
Dear, I hold comfort to the thought that we had lived a significant part of our wonderful life together; in a manner that mattered most to only both of us. I still miss you much. I know you were watching over me that night as I sped home in the rain. Yes I sped home. Sorry to let you worry; I promise I won’t do it again.
